I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
