So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
