Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
