is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Those nachos came to me in a dream
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
