Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Randomize
