When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
