Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
