He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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