My sheets look like a crime scene.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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