It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
