I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
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