I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
