I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
