you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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