I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
