I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
