SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
