I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
