Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
