You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
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