im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
