Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
