dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
