I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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