My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
