I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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