I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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