I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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