I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
she peed on how many people?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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