If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
