sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
