Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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