You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
