Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you inspire me to be a worse person
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have started to decorate penises.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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