Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
