Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
