so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
