Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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