I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
