Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
