You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
