i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
