my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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