i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
