so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
