Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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