never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
