And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
