i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
