Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
