who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
