summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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