He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
