Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize