you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
