you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just found puke in my bra..
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
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