Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
