my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
