rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
