What did we do last night that was yellow?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
