when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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