i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
