I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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