you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
