I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
