So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize
