this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
