I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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