we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Randomize
