That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
