I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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